garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
