Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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