I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
