the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
