just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
