i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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