using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
