I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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