Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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