I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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