it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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