now i know why i became what i already was.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
