She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
