Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
