does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
