Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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