I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
