I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
