1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
