I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't deserve a penis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
