I seem to have left my pride at pride
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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