well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
