i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
