Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
