Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
