I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize