I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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