I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm like, not good at living.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
