I wish I could teleport
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
