I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MIDGETS
????
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize