I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
