Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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