My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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