Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize