is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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