i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
