have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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