If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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