I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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