I wish I could punch you in the face.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
