ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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