my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
