and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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