When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
