Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
And then he peed in my hair
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