can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I use my feet as sexual weapons
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
