Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
