I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
