I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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