haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
