just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
