The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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