also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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