i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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