I love black thongs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Terrible idea I love it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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