You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
