I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
