do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's always time for handjobs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
