His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
