i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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