Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
