I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
