I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
