I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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