My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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