He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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