Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
