I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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