At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she peed on how many people?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize