I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
