I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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