when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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