Who did Billy Mays play for?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize