found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Be still, my beating vagina.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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